


What Christmas Means to Me

by HerSistersKeeper



Series: Twelve Days of Reylo [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas Romance, Christmas Shopping, Cinnamon Roll Rey, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo is a dad, Romantic Fluff, Shopping Malls, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, rey is a mall elf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9046976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerSistersKeeper/pseuds/HerSistersKeeper
Summary: If he didn’t finish it tonight, that would mean that he would have to sacrifice Christmas Eve with his family, forced to spend a good part of the day running from store to store instead of with his children, with his parents, decorating cookies, going to church, waiting for Santa.Not that he seemed to be pulling through anyways, the tall man mused bitterly, looking over the heads of other parents, other children, those ahead of him oblivious to his dilemma—and frankly uncaring, the father sputtering as he saw another family cut to the front of the line, not heeding the patient waiting of the other people in line. So much for the Christmas spirit.“Excuse me, sir?” Kylo wheeled around, blind with frustration, annoyance and anxiety getting the best of him as he snarled. “What?!”Before him stood an elf. No, not an elf—a very pretty girl dressed as an elf, plastic ears coming to a point, her brown hair glossy and tucked under a green hat, complete with a pom-pom on the curled tip. Her eyebrow was raised at him, but she didn’t seem offended. If anything, she was amused, smirk small but friendly. “Sorry if I scared you. I was just wondering if you needed someone to watch your kids?”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hormonal_Trashbag](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hormonal_Trashbag/gifts), [headinfantasy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/headinfantasy/gifts).



> Merry Christmas! Let me know what you think!

_“The mall will close in two hours.”_

“Oh, _come on_.” Kylo Ren muttered darkly, shifting the heavy gift boxes to his other arm, eyes straining to check his watch. Around his feet, his son and daughter sat, heads in hands, quietly watching the unmoving line, gaze drifting every so often to the gaudy red sign ahead, arrow large and cheerfully proclaiming “Santa’s Workshop.” An hour ago, when they first got in line, the eight-year-old Ella had excitedly informed her younger brother Jack about the wonders of Santa, the six-year-old’s eyes rounding with glee, ears pricking up at the mention of magic.

If it wasn’t for his little boy’s awe, his obstinate opinion that they _needed_ to talk to the jolly old man, that they had wishes that they want granted come Christmas morning, Kylo would have given up on waiting for the line to budge. His daughter’s suggestion that they get a picture for Grandma Leia to hang on the fridge hadn’t hurt either, and the man had settled himself in with a smile.

That had been the first twenty minutes, before he realized that his holiday shopping list was far from complete, his phone chirping at him with new wish lists from family and friends. (He wasn’t sure what would keep him from strangling Poe Dameron over his tardy wish list, but he was sure that it had something to do with him being Jack’s beloved godfather, and so he let the annoyance flare and then die.) Even as much as he longed to leave, to run and finish his holiday duties, the father knew better, his eyes worriedly darting to his children.

This was their second Christmas without their mother. It was still a fact that he was getting used to, just as he was getting used to the jolt and surprise of seeing his late wife in the blue eyes of their daughter, in the light brown curls of their son. It had been her, not him, that had made the holidays special each year. It had been her to arrange visits from Santa, to start listening to Christmas music the moment Thanksgiving was over, to bake gingerbread and sugar cookies until the scents wafted through the entire neighborhood and lingered well into January.

Christmas had been her domain, and when cancer had taken her too soon, Kylo had struggled to take the festive duty over the first year—and had failed miserably, because, he had to face it, no amount of cookies could replace his wife and her magic touch.

 His family hadn’t said anything, but this year, he was determined to get everything right, even if it meant that he died in this goddamn line, waiting to take a picture with a man in a fake beard and belly who probably smelled of cheese and beef. Anything to regain the semblance of holiday cheer, anything to make his children happy, to convince them—and him—that they would be just fine.  He absentmindedly patted his children’s heads, freezing at Ella’s gentle voice, knowing that she was just trying to make the night easier, that she didn’t realize that there was so much more at stake for them than a picture and rehashing a wish list.

 “Daddy, it’s okay. Jack and I don’t have to see Santa. I’m sure he understands. He did last year. Right, Jack?” The little boy nodded furiously, and it broke Kylo’s heart just a bit more. “Don’t worry about it, guys—we’ll see Santa. I just didn’t think we’d wait so long, y’know?”

 _“The mall will close in an hour and a half.”_ With the announcement, a wave of horror dawned on him. How had time gotten so far away from him while standing in line? There was no way that he would finish his shopping now, and he was already cutting it close as it was. If he didn’t finish it tonight, that would mean that he would have to sacrifice Christmas Eve with his family, forced to spend a good part of the day running from store to store instead of with his children, with his parents, decorating cookies, going to church, waiting for Santa.

Not that he seemed to be pulling through anyways, the tall man mused bitterly, looking over the heads of other parents, other children, those ahead of him oblivious to his dilemma—and frankly uncaring, the father sputtering as he saw another family cut to the front of the line, not heeding the patient waiting of the other people in line. So much for the Christmas spirit.

“Excuse me, sir?” Kylo wheeled around, blind with frustration, annoyance and anxiety getting the best of him as he snarled. “ _What?!”_

Before him stood an elf. No, not an elf—a very pretty girl dressed as an elf, plastic ears coming to a point, her brown hair glossy and tucked under a green hat, complete with a pom-pom on the curled tip. Her eyebrow was raised at him, but she didn’t seem offended. If anything, she was amused, smirk small but friendly. “Sorry if I scared you. I was just wondering if you needed someone to watch your kids?”

“Can you do that?” He felt his ears flush with embarrassment, letting excitement and disbelief getting the best of him as he blurted this out, but she just chuckled, nodding at him before she smiled and waved at his kids, their faces awed but wary. “Of course. And I assure you—I’m extremely professional and qualified…even though I’m dressed like a candy cane.” She gagged at herself, hand sweeping down and Kylo had to force himself to focus on her red striped long sleeves that peeked out from under the green dress, not how nicely the costume fit her form.

He glanced down at Ella and Jack, smiling despite himself at their wide eyes, at how they whispered between themselves that _that’s an elf—she helps Santa. Maybe she’s the most important elf—why else would she be checking on them, taking over for Santa?_ He tore his eyes away, focusing on the girl again, finding himself trying to multitask, to listen to her as he tried to figure her age ( _had to be at least twenty-three,_ he decided) and lose himself in her eyes, her green eyes bright and so different from his family’s brown eyes, the change fresh and welcomed.

“Seriously though— this line is bullshit, and you’ve been standing here for…what, two hours?” Kylo felt something rumble deep in his chest, and it took him a moment to recognize it as laughter, surprised at how blunt Santa’s little helper was, hands on hips as she tossed a scornful look over her shoulder at the family that had cut a few minutes before, shaking her head ruefully. “If you need to pick up more gifts, I can keep an eye on them. We have a waiting area for the kids—and it won’t just be me! There’s always another elf with me, and we have coloring books and hot chocolate and games and…”

“What’s your name?” She blinked at him, as if this was an uncommon question—and maybe it was. The poor girl was probably used to men like him asking for her number, or asking to have her sit on their lap. The thought of that burned him, and he wasn’t sure why, seeing that they had just met, that she was a stranger, albeit a friendly one.

“My name is Rey.” There was that easy smile again, and Kylo wondered if he could count this as a Christmas miracle, if this was some sort of sign, that the holidays would smooth out from now on. “I’m Kylo… and this is Ella, and Jack.” The two nodded at her, returning her grin and excitedly hopping around his legs now.  “If you could watch them, that would be…” He let out a sigh, relief flooding him with the exhalation. “That would be amazing.”

“Of course!” She reached out her hand, and he absentmindedly took it, her skin soft and warm under his palm. Rey cleared her throat, and maybe he was dreaming, but he could swear that she was blushing. “Kylo, you’re one of the best hand-holders I’ve come across, but I actually wanted to hold _Jack_ ’s hand.” In an instant, he dropped her hand, stuttering out an apology, wondering why his daughter looked at him so slyly, as if she knew something he didn’t.

“It’s okay—you can hold Daddy’s hand!” Now he was blushing too, and he wondered if she’d believe him if he said that Jack had a mind of his own, that he didn’t understand what he was implying, but Rey just smiled, shooing him off.

“Don’t worry about it. See you in an hour?” Kylo could only nod, his flustered tongue effectively silencing him as he headed off. He had an hour to finish his list, but as he sprinted away, he couldn’t help but look back, watching the trio walk away, Rey’s face shining as she looked down at Ella and Jack, their small hands clasped around hers, her laughter bouncing back to him. For a moment, he thought of comparing her to his late wife—but he couldn’t do it. She was different, and he left it at that, forcing himself to focus on his mission as his gaze swept across the mall’s storefronts.

 

He made it back with ten minutes to spare, a fact that Kylo regarded with pride, good mood restored as he looked around the lobby, trying to pick his children and their elvish chaperone out of the crowd. It didn’t take him long, Jack barreling through the mass of people, crowing with delight, ignoring how Ella and Rey called after him, leaving them behind to apologize after him.

“Daddy!” Kylo impulsively dropped his armful of bags, sweeping his son up in his arms, the little boy brandishing a coloring sheet, forehead crinkled as he started chattering at him. “Dad, guess what? Rey is actually a half elf! She’s only allowed to be an elf in December, but it’s okay because she’s still magical, and she still can live forever! Isn’t that good, Dad? She can live forever! She’s already 240 years old, though if you ask her how old she is in elf years, she’s just twenty-four—but it’s still awesome. She let me touch her ears and she said that if I was a good boy, she could ask Santa if she could make me and Ella honorary elves!”

 The father smiled apologetically at his babysitter as his son prattled on. “I’m sorry if they caused you any trouble.”

“Trouble? They were angels! If I could spend every day with kids like them, I’d be one of the luckiest girls out there.” He didn’t want to look away, not when she was grinning so brightly, so coyly at him, but he let his gaze be pulled down to his daughter as she tugged at his coat.

“Jack and I decided that we don’t want to take a picture with Santa anymore.” She patted his arm, sighing at him as if he should already know this as he sputtered with surprise. “Are you sure? What about that picture for Grandma?”

“We can still do that! Just not with Santa. Jack wants to take a picture with Rey. And I do too. Who else takes pictures with elves? It’d be so cool, and Rey said that she’s okay with it.”

“Santa is technically an elf too.” Kylo wanted to tell Rey that it was okay, that she didn’t have to try to side with him, that he was okay, but Ella merely shrugged, sticking out her lip in a pout at the girl. “But it’s different and better with you. Besides, you’re prettier than Santa is.”

“She’s right, you know.” The words left his mouth before he could rein them in, and his daughter’s triumphant smirk let him know that it had definitely been noticed, that he would have no choice but to acquiescence to take a picture with the blushing elf, not that he could complain.

Now, as they sat down, Ella between them and Jack perched on her lap, Rey leaned over, whisper frantic and contrite as her fellow elf, Finn, attempted to find just the right lighting for the picture: “Kylo, it’s okay if you just want a picture with the three of you. I don’t want to intrude, I really don’t.”

“It’s okay. Really. They’re right—it’s different…and I kind of need a different kind of holiday, y’know?” She didn’t question his reply, only leaning into him now, the gentle weight natural, as if it was supposed to be there the whole time. For the first time in a long time, Kylo felt his mouth give to a smile, unforced, genuine, happy.

Afterwards, as she helped Jack tug his gloves on, Rey glanced up at the father again, mouth quirking up into an awkward simper. “Ella invited me to decorate cookies with your family tomorrow.” Her voice was attempting nonchalance, but he could sense that there was a nervousness, a skittishness about the sentence, and his stomach plummeted, wondering if he had said something, done something, that left her unsure about him.

“Did she now?” He glanced at his daughter, who simply shrugged at him. “I’m sure Grandma won’t mind.” _What is this kid playing at?_ Kylo shook his head, looking back at Rey again as they stood, both considering the other a bit warily. She felt it too, whatever “it” was—tentative attraction, general fascination, gratitude and maybe a few other feelings swirling together to form the butterflies in his stomach as he stumbled over his words. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I mean, if you have other plans, then we’ll miss you…but if you wanted to come…um…”

“I do want to come! I really, really do. I…I just don’t want to make it weird for you.” She lowered her voice, sympathetic. “Ella told me about her mom. I’m so sorry, Kylo. I just don’t want to intrude…or weird you out.” She faltered, brushing her hair behind her ears, glancing at her shoes and chuckling at herself. “I do want to get to know you, but if you want to wait until after Christmas, I understand. It’s important.”

“It’s fine. Honestly.” He caught her hand again, and she looked up at him, her green eyes jolting his heart, warming his chest. He squeezed her hand, relieved as she did the same, confidence surging up and into his throat. “Can I get your number?” Her grin was blinding, and she nodded, reciting the phone number slowly, insisting that he called her so that she could have his number, tucked safely away in her contact list too.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow at five?” They were in the parking lot now, Ella and Jack waiting in the car as Kylo packed the gifts into the trunk. He nodded happily, sighing with relief again as Rey promised to help wrap gifts the next afternoon, knowing his clumsy hands would make a mess out of the wrapping paper and bows.

He wouldn’t ever get the holidays completely right—Kylo was sure of that much—but he didn’t mind this year. He had help, sent from Santa himself, in the form of a part-time elf named Rey. For the first time in a while, the man couldn’t get himself to fall asleep, excitement keeping him awake as if he was a child on Christmas Eve again.

Maybe that long line had been worth it after all. Sure, they hadn’t seen Old Saint Nick, but the father couldn’t complain now. Santa had come through for him with this gift of a person. That was enough to make him believe again.


End file.
